divulgences from the depths of new york

The 2011 EOY edition. Same questions, different year.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? Left my job without another. I figured if there was 10% unemployment, that meant 90% employment, right? Putting myself out there professionally and taking a chance paid off for me in so many ways.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Some of them I did, others, mostly those involving exercise were a bust again. Resolutions aren’t a bad thing; I only wish there wasn’t so much emphasis on them at New Year’s. I set goals and am pretty resolute in general, so the added pressure is unnecessary.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, it seemed like the year of the baby and the year of the wedding!
4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully, no.
5. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? I’m in a relatively better financial place than I have been and I’d like to formulate a plan and set long-term financial goals.
6. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Completing coursework at Penn State (graduation will happen in 2012, though) and beginning a career at a new company.
7. What was your biggest failure? Not acting on the blog troll situation. Now everything I write about could be perceived as something he’s sensitive about and could take issue with (what do I do if he’s offended by orange juice? or linen dresses? or the 4th of July?) . That’s just idiotic. I’ve learned my lesson and have saved all the IP records and such (voice mails, photos, texts, videos) and will not hesitate to call authorities now.
8. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, thankfully!
9. What was the best thing you bought? My Nook — what a joy! I’m reading more books than I ever have. I never did get the Roomba I had my eye on last year…there’s always 2012 if I want clean floors.
10. Whose behavior merited celebration? Legalization of same-sex marriage in New York — making us the sixth and largest state to do so. Kudos to Governor Cuomo and what a wonderful step toward equality for so many people.
11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Being a student at Penn State I was saddened and appalled by the behavior of so many of the people involved, staff and officials included. And for JoePa, it is a tragic way to leave an magnanimous career.
12. Where did most of your money go? Tuition, for Caleah and me now – same old story…
13. How did you spend Christmas last year? With the girls, cooking and hanging out. This year, hopefully a few movies and lots of Italian food.
14. Did you fall in love in 2011? No. I have never been further from it with the parade of losers I’ve dated this year. Upon finally dumping dogboy, I met an incredibly angry Jew, followed by the histrionically delicate troll. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right…
15. What was your favorite TV program? The Daily Show and Homeland. The majority of the rest of television is shit.
16. What did you do for your birthday in 2011? I was in New Mexico, one of the most beautiful places I’ve even been in the world. I want to return…soon!
17. What was the best book you read? There are so many. For fiction my favorite is Untouchable by Scott O’Connor and non-fiction (surprisingly) Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. It was a great year for reading.
18. What did you want and get? A new job where I have to act like an adult and have bona fide responsibility
19. What did you want and not get? A connection with someone real, intelligent, and sane.
20. What was your favorite film of this year? Surprisingly and despite it’s coldness, it is Martha Marcy May Marlene. Worst of the year, by far, Bridesmaids — what is sorry, pathetic waste of film and my time.
21. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes, and I reconnected with a few old ones, too.
22. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having fewer gripes about money, and spending less time babysitting people who are victims of their own actions (please let me tell you how terrible I’ve made it for myself…). I’ve always been a caretaker, but this year it went too far.
23. What kept you sane? The idea that things don’t have to be perfect and neither do I. Like the old adage goes, I shouldn’t let perfection stand in the way of success.
24. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Paul Krugman is my go-to until some other notable mind rises from obscurity.
25. What political issue stirred you the most? Congressional paralysis. Every elected official should be removed from office after this year’s disgusting display of infantile behavior, and replaced with 10-year old children with ADHD. There are people really hurting out there — those without work and health care, and these beefed-up politicians should be doing something to help them rather than grandstanding. I might add the election is nearly a year away and I’m already tired of hearing about it.
26. Who did you miss? Holly and Grandma all the time.
27. What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011? In the words of Paulo Coelho, “Life is the train, not the train station.”

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Gift giving is a big thing for me — I usually start early, trying to find the “perfect” item for everyone on my list. I have hit some out of the park (one special present I can remember is an antique rosary I got for my mother in Spain — eight months before Christmas), while others were a swing and a miss. Most of my shopping is done online and a majority of it complete before December 1. With family and friends all over the country, I need to finish early to allow time to wrap and ship everything off.

I’m not sure if others feel as strongly or are as committed, but I have to say the reports from retailers, Best Buy and Amazon among them, that have canceled holiday orders at the last minute is disappointing. Good luck to those in limbo, let the holiday spirit pull you through.

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Tags: amazon, best buy, holiday orders, holiday spirit, rosary, swing and a miss

I have had some continued problems on this blog that include harassment and stalking. WordPress tools in the hands of a few geeky friends have gathered the appropriate information including confirmation that the same two IP addresses provided over 2000 hits in the last six weeks; which they believe is a single person accessing from both a computer and phone.

A word to my friends and fellow bloggers, these trolls are not something to mess around with. I have written many things on this blog, some humorous, others creative, and a few soulful, but I have never crossed the bounds of the law — not even remotely. Don’t entertain a stalker’s qualms! My suggestion is that further complaints about the content herein should be directed to the NYPD; in turn, I can do likewise with the IP address information, texts, videos, and voice mails I have collected.

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Because for $49.99 you only get a broken pipe, not an unclogged drain.

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Tags: 49.99 sewer service, don't use them

I had a dream last night that I was asked to sing the U.S. National Anthem, and while singing I forgot all of the words after, “Oh say can you see.” The stress, even in a dream state made me feel like less of an American — how could I possibly forget? I’ve joined the Christina Aguilera club. I wonder if it’s all me, the words do seem harsh and have little relevance now.

On the surface all the bombs and kabooms are kind of a war-affirming buzz kill, and what are gallantly streaming ramparts, anyway? It seems that the old Banner could use a little polish and updating. Perhaps America the Beautiful is more along the lines of what we want to portray as a vision of the country as spacious skies and mountain’s majesty. It doesn’t contain anything bursting in air. And it gets my vote.

Did you know there are additional verses to the Star Spangled Banner? I didn’t know until today.

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
‘Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

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Tags: dread silence reposes, star spangled banner

Young guy buying cigarettes for $13 a pack: Why’s cancer so expensive, man?
–Deli, W 3rd b/w MacDougal & Sullivan

Woman smoking cigarette: We should walk further east to avoid that Times Square pollution.
–7th Ave & 31st St

Bus driver, giving a tour of the city: And to your right, you’ll see several people smoking their lunch.

Blonde on cell: I’m sorry, you don’t get to have two divorces and then dump my totally awesome friend, twice. And still have me think you’re a good guy. (pause) Oh, and be forty years old.
–56th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk guy: Every time I would break up with her she would be like “I’m going to kill myself.” Eventually I was just like “Prove it!”
–Bulldog Bar

Woman on cell: You can divorce me anytime you want; you’re the one paying for it.

Woman to friend: This guy and his mother are upset about nothing. Just like John Wayne Gacy, his biggest fear was being known as gay. It seems to me he had a lot bigger problems than liking show tunes.

Gay man yelling into phone: It wasn’t karaoke, it was just straight people horribleness!
–9th & 51st

Drunk girl #1: I feel like if any of these train people were listening to our conversation right now, it would be hysterically confusing.
Drunk girl #2: We should talk louder.

Little girl: I never get sweaty in a hat! I always get sweaty in my clothes!
Mom: Fine, you can go naked wearing a hat.

Girl to guy: Yeah… My sister’s autistic, so we went to Disney World a lot…
–Soho

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Tags: listen up, overheard in ny again!

I’ve held off writing about the next books. Feeling a little like a hypocrite for considering cookbook recommendations and barely leaving much time to actually cook, I can still gaze at the pictures and recipes, opting to make a new dish once in a while. A cook doesn’t need to prepare every standard in the book to support the volume. For me, this time of year is about food. By November, the offerings at the farmers markets have turned the corner, and my thoughts are of hearty foods, rich with root vegetables and green greens.

Tender: A Cook and His Vegetable Patchis by Nigel Slater. It is somewhat of a memoir, like part diary, part growing guide, and part recipes.  This books is without season, but I found his autumnal recipes matched my mood. On the pumpkin, Slater writes: “Even as I write, in the slate gray light of a December afternoon, there is a pumpkin shining bright orange among the blackened leaves and tangled stems. A bowl of soup waiting to happen. I would grow a pumpkin even if it weren’t edible. Few things are more beautiful when morning fog swirls round the allotments on a damp November dawn.” Chapters cover every vegetable, giving me new ideas about Brussels sprouts (which the girls absolutely love) and parsnip, and is a wonderful example of culinary journalism.

Saveur: The New Comfort Food: Home Cooking From Around the World. It also worth a grand nod. The dishes of the cold weather are often heavier selections — what we ate as kids and crave as adults. This book contains offerings from many cuisines and while reading it I thought perhaps I’d find new comfort food among them. Nice photography too. 

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My friends know how much I enjoy to diagnose — pronouncing people terminally pregnant, having leprosy, or my very favorite: tuberculosis. I’m not certain where my tendency for TB liking began, but if you roll the dice in my virtual waiting room about 90% of the time you will come out labeled a lunger. I have no medical training, I only play a doctor in person and on the internet, often with people who have not sought treatment. Really, I don’t think they mind my uninvited suggestion that they have rampant syphilis or a 24-hour brain tumor.

Today’s 10% diagnosis: borderline personality disorder.

A person with a borderline personality disorder experiences a repetitive pattern of disorganization and instability in self-image, mood, behavior and close personal relationships. This can cause significant anguish or destruction in friendships and work. A person with this disorder can often be bright and intelligent, and appear warm, friendly and competent.

Relationships with others are extreme but turbulent and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may attempt to manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with frequent shifts to an empty depression or to anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior. The person may show inappropriate anger with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings coupled with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior. Under extreme stress or in severe cases there can be brief psychotic episodes with loss of contact with reality or bizarre behavior or symptoms. There you go.

I wish I had better news for you and of course, suggest that everyone get a second opinion. By another online, not-medically-trained, tuberculosis-loving fake physician.

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Tags: i hate to tell you this, i'm not a doctor by i play one on tv, the first step is admitting you have tuberculosis, tuberculosis counseling here

Sigh. I guess I should never take book recommendations from someone who admittedly only reads published works from famous people — you know, the swimming pools and movie-star type. Chelsea Handler’s collection of short stories (ok, let’s call it that) is wrought with odd reactions to not very funny, and sometimes even sad situations. Additionally, Ms. Handler and her editor need to discover the difference between less and fewer.

In a sentence: this book would only be worse if vampires were involved.

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Tags: chelsea handler you are not funny, do not read this book, that is 15 minutes i can't get back and hundreds of grammatical errors i can't undo

“Je aussi pourrait souhaiter, comme le service exceptionnel du Ciel, Poser mon âme ouvre tout à fait à vos yeux, Et vous jurer, l’ennui que j’ai fait De ces visites que vos charmes attirent, Ne pas résulte de la haine vers vous Mais plutôt d’un dévouement passionné, Et motifs les plus purs…” Only Moliere can say it right.

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Tags: french, pardon it