divulgences from the depths of new york

Things I would say if I knew it would make a difference.

1.  “I wish I’d known, then maybe I would have understood why you did what you did and I wouldn’t have blamed myself all these years.”
2.  “Quit yelling at the cat, it’s not going to do any good.”
3.  “I love you even when I don’t say it.”
4.  “I saw it first.”
5.  “You’re right.”
6.  “You’re wrong.”
7.  “Leave me alone.”
8.  “Love me.”
9.  “Just tell the truth.”
10. “Stop using the drugs – you’re going to kill yourself.”

What you are looking at, in case it’s unclear, is the 2010 Cadillac Escalade Hybrid. It’s one of the largest SUV’s around. In hybrid. This has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen. In essence, you’ve taken an overpriced, elitist beast and given it only slightly better mileage.

First of all, I can only presuppose that we all accept that the Escalade is a car designed for image-conscious people who will likely never use it for the storage capacity or off-road capability. And I might add that piling in four kids for a soccer game does not count. Seriously, when’s the last time you saw an Escalade actually carrying, towing, or off roading? Anything on the roof?  I didn’t think so.

Perhaps my issue is with the vehicle and the people who buy it because they have no idea how to drive them and it gives us an idea of how much is not going on it their head. Owning a luxury SUV in this day and age is essentially saying, “I have a ridiculous amount of money, and the environment can go fuck itself. I’ve made a conscious decision to ostentatiously flaunt my wealth while simultaneously dumping on my kid’s future on our planet.”

But wait – it’s in a hybrid! I think that means, “I have even more money that I don’t even know how to spend. I read somewhere that other people care, and since my image is so goddamn important, I’d like to at least pretend that I give a shit. So I’ll continue to buy massive, overpriced behemoths on wheels. I understand that it still doesn’t even get 20 miles to the gallon, it’s still a danger to other drivers, but now I can act like I’m actually a good person.”

I apologize for this out-of-nowhere rant, but I was almost run over by one that ran a red light on 42^nd Street this afternoon.

Dear 13-year old me:

Hey there. Yeah, I know this is weird, but there are some things you need to know. You’re in the middle of Junior High School. So let’s start there.

That blonde kid with the glasses? Don’t waste your time being friends with him. Eventually, you’re going to get busted for shoplifting and he’s going to blame the whole thing on you (and Dad is going to knock you around pretty badly for it). It should make you feel better to know that if you do go through with it, when you’re grown a lot more, you’ll see him later in life and feel somewhat sorry for him. He may or may not totally have it coming, but that’s not for you to decide.

Speaking of growing… um… the next few years are going to be kind of awkward. The good news is you don’t have to worry about being too short for much longer. In the next 2-3 years, you’ll grow about 10 inches, seriously. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. So, eat more or you’ll be painfully skinny. Yes, I hate to admit it, but Mom is totally right about this.

Okay, I’ll tell you this but I don’t think it’s going to matter – you’re going to hurt yourself. A lot. And soon. I’d tell you to stay off your bike and out of cars and to protect your heart, but the truth is, knowing us as I now know us, you’d find a way to hurt yourself no matter what.

On that note, you’re going to break your arm soon. Badly. I mean, you’ll snap that thing right in two. I would tell you how it’s going to happen, but it’s much more fun as a surprise. Plus, it makes for a good story later in life. And get some attention from that boy you have a crush on.

You really should wear your glasses more.

High School is going to suck. But I hear it sucks for everyone. My two biggest pieces of advice are: go to class more, and no matter what you do, do not go after the curly-haired boys. Only heartbreak will ensue, and it will take you a long time to recover, trust me on this. There is one curly-haired boy who will make your life great later, but neither of them is him. Stick with guy who’s calling you all the time, he’s perfectly nice and won’t mistreat you. Of course, it’ll ultimately fail, but that’s high school. Also, be less of a jerk when you break up with him.

Despite all the warnings, don’t sweat the drugs. Just go ahead and try them and have fun. You’re going to end up fine. But perhaps you shouldn’t drop acid that summer during college, because that entire time will be pretty blurry for a long time. Nothing bad really came about from it, but it just wasn’t a great idea.

Listen, about Dad, I know you kind of hate him right now, but try to be patient. It’s not going to be easy, and you’ve got another year or two of scattered beatings before he stops. But he will stop. He doesn’t really know how to handle these things, but he will learn, I promise.

Grandma will become a mentor and a confidant. You will have hours-long conversations about Ireland and feel jealous of the time she spent there. Appreciate her, you will miss her when she’s gone.

College is going to be an unholy mess but a huge learning experience. I’d tell you to drink less and go to class more, but I don’t think it’ll do any good. There will be serious boyfriend drama toward the end, but don’t fret too much, you come out of it a better person. Try to be less of a pretentious asshole, and stop making fun of the small-town kids, because you came from one too. After college, you will panic. You won’t have a home or a job but just relax. These things will work themselves out. When you get to New York, I’d advise against taking the sublet on 72^nd Street. That place will turn into a nightmare.

Also… the hardest time of your life will be the summers of 2001 and 2005, when you will feel utterly broken. You will come through it.

Oh, three final things:
1. Your best friends in high school will probably be your friends for a very long time.
2. Don’t give up on the Cubs.
3. And don’t get too excited when you hear about new Star Wars movies.
4. Trust your mom on the sunscreen.

The 2009 EOY edition. I tend to dislike these q&a things, mostly because you see variations of them all over the internet and they don’t apply for much longer than an afternoon. That said, the questions here seems more thought provoking than most.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Weighed my actions, or the result of my actions on myself and other people, and because of this, acted in a way contrary to how I ordinarily would.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t, but I wasn’t much worse for the wear because of it. I think I’ll give it a shot this year and see what happens. Resolutions aren’t a bad thing; I only wish there wasn’t so much pressure about them at New Year’s.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? After a very fertile 2008, there was only one birth among my family and friends in 2009, and a very special one at that – my Godson, Simon.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully, no.
5. What places did you travel? I traveled to Spain in August, Eastern seaboard in April, and twice to San Francisco.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? I seem to consistently bite off more than I can chew – I’d like to figure out a schedule that works as far as family, school, work, gym (ha), and a social life (ha 2x); and stop being so hard on myself if I don’t get it right. This is the same answer from last year. I will keep trying. My health is again important to me.
7. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? My graduation from NYU, and acceptance to Penn State.
8. What was your biggest failure? Still being terribly off balance (figuratively and literally — see below).
9. Did you suffer illness or injury? Struggling with vertigo, for which doctors can’t seem to find a cause.
10. What was the best thing you bought? My Kindle and the trip to Spain.
11. Whose behavior merited celebration? All the people who truly care about planet and who work (often maligned at the same time) to make it a better place to live.
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The simpletons who have nothing better to do than oppose gay marriage.
13. Where did most of your money go? Tuition, again.
14. How did you spend Christmas last year? Writing a paper, and I saw the film Milk.
15. Did you fall in love in 2009? Almost. But he wasn’t consistent enough to make it stick. His loss.
16. What was your favorite TV program? Friday Night Lights. Fringe is nearly there.
17. What did you do for your birthday in 2009? I was in Madrid; it was the best birthday in recent memory.
18. What was the best book you read? “Let the Great World Spin” by Colum McCann. First time ever that the National Book Awards and I agree.
19. What did you want and get? More responsibility at work. A regretful proposition.
20. What did you want and not get? To be completely on the same page with someone.
21. What was your favorite film of this year? Hunger.
22. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes, and reconnected with a few, too.
23. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not worrying about what other people think so much, because it is what it is, regardless of who I am.
24. What kept you sane? My friends Mirushe and Liz, and occasionally my boss.
25. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Paul Krugman continues to intrigue and also Mandy Patinkin when he’s not singing.
26. What political issue stirred you the most? Health care, and it’s still continuing as I write this.
27. Who did you miss? Holly and Grandma all the time. The farm. Sometimes a friend from years ago.
28. What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009? Failing make a decision is a decision, and a statement.

Today is the anniversary of the murder of John Lennon, who was killed outside his building on the Upper West Side. His killer, Mark Chapman, stalked him for months, and to this day his motives remain unclear (other than simply being a crazy freak).

I was a kid when this happened, I remember hearing about it the day afterward, I was wearing a baby blue crew neck sweater and matching sneakers — I had a thing for that color at the time.  At the time, I knew the name and the songs, but didn’t realize the gravity of the loss to his family or to the world. It’s difficult to believe that 29 years have gone since then, time flies as they say, but my guess is his widow and sons have felt his absence every day.

Speaking to British Government representatives when asked to call off a hunger strike for in Dundalk Prison during the Tan War, Austin Stack said, “We have already lost one life in our fight in defence of our principles and rights and every volunteer in the prison is prepared to follow Thomas Ashe’s example if forced to do so.”

Austin Stack born on this day in December 1879 in Tralee, County Kerry. A gifted footballer and loyal countryman, Stack was sentenced to death for his part in the Easter Uprising, a sentence that was later commuted. A few years later was again arrested for his activities during the Civil War; in prison he went on a hunger strike for 41 days before being released in July 1924. Stack’s health never recovered from the hunger strike and he died in 1929 in a Dublin hospital.

I got a voicemail on my mobile phone, apparently about a guy I met who had presented himself as single and available. The message went something like this, “Hi, this is Mary Beth. I wanna know why you’re calling and texting my boyfriend of 13 years. Ah, I want to know how he met you. This isn’t shoot the messenger, but I’ve been with this man for a long time. If you want to put up with all his bullshit, you can have him, if you’d like to support him and feed him and wash his clothes, you can have him. This jackass is never gonna get his life together, I thought you should know. Please call me back and let me know if you want this dirtbag.”

Her voice escalated as she went on. Mad, desperate, disgusted all at once, screaming and calming herself — the whole time on the verge of tears. At first I was afraid, but I understood the pain; the guy had lied to us both. What? Do I want him? No.

Scientists have concluded that the Celts did not invade Ireland en masse, nor did they replace an earlier group. Despite the widely held belief that the Irish are descended from Celts who invaded Ireland about 2,500 years ago, a genetic research study at Trinity College, Dublin (TCD) appears to argue against it.

The Celtic cultural heritage in Ireland is prolific and informs the common perceptions and beliefs about the national identity and its origins – from traditional sources in language, legend and literature the Celtic influence is strong in contemporary. The research however suggests that our blood and also some of our culture can be attributed to wider origins: Spain, Portugal, Scandinavia and North Africa.

Scientists compared the DNA samples of 200 volunteers from around Ireland with a genetic database of 8,500 individuals from around Europe, knowing that the Celts came from Central Europe stretching as far as Hungary. They found that the Irish samples matched those around Britain and the Pyrenees in Spain, as well as Scandinavia and parts of North Africa.

The scientists concluded that ‘the Irish’ genetic makeup stems from the onset of an ice-age around 15,000 years ago that forced prehistoric man back into Spain, Italy and Greece, which were still fairly temperate. When the ice started melting again around 12,000 years ago, people followed the retreating ice northwards as areas became hospitable again.

Some archaeologists also doubt that there was a Celtic invasion because few of their artifacts have been found in Ireland. The primary genetic legacy of Ireland seems to have come from people from Spain and Portugal after the last ice age. The findings are published in The American Journal of Human Genetics at the University of Chicago.